Giving Up
by tricky
Summary: COMPLETE! - P/J-sequel to It's A Small World After All - When Mitch dies suddently Joey is forced to deal with all the problems in her life including her relationships with Pacey and Dawson.
1. Sure About That

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

****

**Giving Up **is a sequel to my story **It's A Small World After All**. If you don't want to be confused you might want to check out **IASWAA** before reading **GU**.   
In this sequel, Joey and Pacey are in college still. They're having problems with their relationship _again_ as a direct result of Dawson's stupidity. A tragedy in the Leery family brings the couple back to Capeside and forces them to deal with each other and the reasons why they are apart. Please be kind and review! 

If you would like to join my mailing list and be contacted when I update my stories e-mail me at **kr_sta@hotmail.com**. Feel free to check out my webpage, with links to this story and all the other ones I wrote. There are also some extra things there that you can't get on FanFiction.Net. My site is **http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/trickyfic**. 

Disclaimer: This story is strictly for entertainment purposes and I do not have any rights to the show Dawson's Creek. I make minimum wage and I love to shop, therefore I usually have a bank account balance of ZERO. Good luck trying to sue me. 

**ENJOY!**

* * *

~ 

Pacey opened his door. "What are you doing here?" 

"Don't look at me like that right now, please," Joey walked past him, she hadn't been in his room for three weeks. They were on a break yet again. "Something happened." 

Pacey watched her standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, there was a time when she felt actually felt comfortable there. Finally he took a good look at her, "What's the matter?" 

You mean besides the fact that you haven't touched me in a month? That you won't look me in the eye when we pass in the hall? She tried to focus on something besides their own problems. There were more important things to talk about, like the reason why she had shown up at Pacey's room in the first place. "I just got off the phone with Gayle Leery. " She saw him scowl, 'Leery' was a touchy subject. "Mitch was in a car accident." 

"Is he okay?" he asked genuinely concerned. 

Her voice broke, "No." 

Pacey wanted to reach out to her but he reminded himself he was supposed to be mad at her. "How did it happen?" 

Get a hold of yourself. Tell him and leave Joey. "I don't know really, she didn't go in to detail. The funeral is this weekend. I'm taking the train home on Friday night." 

"Okay," Pacey nodded. Suddenly realizing the extent of the accident. 

Joey ducked towards the door, eager to leave. "Okay." She rushed out in the hall. I guess 'See you later' would have been a stretch. 

~ 

Joey was at the library, hidden away at a table in the Asian Art History section; a small corner that was always deserted. 

Regardless of her perfect study area she couldn't seem to get any work done. Her mind was on other things. Her literature assignment didn't seem important at the moment. 

The terrible thing was Mitch was dead and of course Joey was upset over losing the only positive father figure she'd ever had in her life. But she was racked with guilt since she couldn't stop thing about everything that was wrong between her and Pacey. 

~ 

They'd hooked up the year before and things had been okay for a while. The honeymoon period wasn't bad at all. 

Eventually things stopped being so perfect, more like a real relationship. Pacey was a twenty year old boy with experience and Joey was, well, not. 

He was patient and he didn't push her. It was Joey's own insecurities that caused the first bump in the road. Finally she swallowed her pride and laid it all out for him. Pacey laughed at her and assured her that he was in no rush. Joey got over it. Feeling embarrassed, realizing that she' had nothing to worry about in the first place. Besides that Pacey was one of the most understanding people in the world. Plus there were plenty of things to do in the mean time. 

And their time came eventually, like a tidal wave. They both got caught up with each other and slacked in other areas of their lives. Marks dropped, messages went unreturned and laundry piled up. 

After an extremely colourful message from Bessie, Joey called her sister back and got an earful about everything from Bessie's overactive imagination to practicing safe sex. 

Joey freaked out pretty much, said things were getting too serious and they needed to calm down. Pacey obliged her and they took the summer off to get everything else under control. 

And it's true what they say. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. 

So they got back together… Again… Things were okay for a while. 

~ 

Pacey sat at his desk tapping away at the computer. His schoolwork was going great for a change while his personal life seemed to be in shambles. 

"Fuck," he groaned as he realized that he'd typed the word 'therefore' three times in a row. Things had been touchy and Pacey had been distracted lately, but even more so since he'd found out about Mitch's death the day before. 

He'd spent far too much time in his room in the last month and he felt like he needed to get out before the walls closed in and swallowed him whole. 

~ 

"Hey." Pacey slid in to the empty chair next to Joey so quietly she jumped when she heard him. "Sorry did I scare you?" 

"How did you find me?" Pacey gave her a look. I wonder if he remembers the time we practically did it right on this desk. 

"Well I checked Peruvian Economics first, since that's where you've been hiding from me lately." He looked at her intensely, "How could I forget this place?" 

She looked at her hands uncomfortably, "Did you want to talk about anything else Pacey?" 

"I can't stop thinking about Mitch," he said quickly. It was at least half true. 

"I know what you mean," Joey replied. "I keep daydreaming about the day that he put the ladder up. You know he said it was because he worried I would fall and…" 

"I got in my car this morning to go in to town and I remembered the time he taught me to drive." Pacey frowned, "My dad was of course busy arresting jaywalkers and trying to make Dougie hetero." 

"It's really weird huh?" Joey asked. 

Pacey nodded. There was a long silence, "I wonder how Dawson's doing." 

Joey was surprised Pacey actually said his name, "I wouldn''t know. I haven't spoken to him in a long time." 

"Oh." Pacey picked some invisible lint off his pants. "Listen, it's really silly for you to take the train in to Capeside if I'm going to drive. You should just come in the car with me." 

Joey's stomach flip flopped, "Are you sure about that?" 

"I'm sure." 

* * *

To be added to the Tricky Fic mailing list and be contacted when I update any of my stories e-mail me at **kr_sta@hotmail.com**. In the meantime check out my website, **http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/trickyfic**. 


	2. Cruel And Unusual Punishment

  
~ 

Joey was packing her bags for the weekend. Normally it was an easy task; throw some jeans and a toothbrush in a bag and take off. But this time she had to pick out clothes for Mitch's funeral and nothing seemed right. 

Her eyes were cloudy with tears, she was angry with her self. Mostly because she and Pacey were talking again, as a direct result of Mitch's death. Guilt. It's one of the stages of grief isn't it? 

She'd been totally floored when Pacey offered to drive her home and it brought back the hope all over again. Of course she had said yes, with out thinking about it. Now after reconsideration, it might not be such a good idea. How could she bare to spend time around him, feeling miserable, if he wasn't going to be there for her like he would have if the situation between them was different? 

She closed the suitcase and collapsed on the bed with a sigh. She wouldn't be in this mess if she had been honest with everyone in the first place. 

~ 

The summer they spent apart Pacey took off on some yacht working for a professor he'd managed to charm. Joey went to Capeside and worked at the B and B. 

Dawson was home for the summer as well. It was the first time she'd seen him in person since before either of them had left for college. They hadn't kept in touch but they started hanging out again for lack of anything better to do. 

But Joey foolishly neglected to mention one important detail. Pacey. 

The fact that she and Pacey were at the same school, friends again or that they were in a serious relationship. 

Dawson being Dawson got all reattached and she barely even noticed it. She was just having fun in a summer trip down memory lane, not a care in the world, just trying to keep her mind off how much she missed Pacey. 

The summer ended. Dawson went back to California secretly pining for Joey in his confused little head that just could not comprehend the particulars of a platonic relationship. 

She went back to school and Pacey. They picked up right where they left off. 

In some poorly thought out plan that Dawson had probably seen in a movie he showed up at Joey's room one day in January with a bouquet of flowers. Funny thing was the scene didn't play out quite the way he planned, because Pacey had spent the night and answered the door wearing only a bed sheet. 

To his credit, Dawson didn't freak out too much. He stuttered though a joke about whether he was at the right room and hopped a bus back to Capeside with his tail between his legs. 

Thus leaving Joey with a lot of explaining to do. 

Pacey was hurt that she hadn't told Dawson of all people about their relationship. He had trouble believing that she didn't notice Dawson beginning to like her again, so much so that he would hop on a plane and show up at her door out of the blue expecting a warm and PG-13 welcome. 

He was also upset that she hadn't said anything to him about seeing Dawson that summer and maybe part of him felt like she was still holding something back. 

So Pacey called for a time out. He was incredibly hurt by all of Joey's lies by omission that he would barely speak to her at all. 

Hundreds of apologies went on deaf ears. 

Joey was sad and alone and she still had to listen to Dawson bitching and moaning through long distance telephone calls about what an ass he'd made of him self and how it was all her fault. 

~ 

Pacey threw his bag in the trunk of his car and walked towards the building Joey was staying in that year. 

When she answered her door he took in the puffy eyes and the tissues around the trash can beside her desk. "Rough night?" he asked reaching for the bag on the floor. Her room was messier than usual, clothes and books were fighting for space on the floor. 

"Yea well I'm not exactly big on funerals remember?" Joey locked the door and followed Pacey outside. All the while suppressing the urge to run back inside and hide in bed, pretending that none of this was really happening. 

~ 

The drive was only tense at a few moments. They reminisced about Mitch, which seemed to make them feel better for a little while and kept their minds off other things. It was strange to be spending time together again. 

Pacey caught himself reaching for her hand twice. He was constantly adjusting the rear view mirror so that he could see her or not. 

"Pacey, you missed the turn," Joey said as they passed the big sign that said welcome to Capeside. She almost hadn't noticed the mistake either. Too busy worrying how she would get through the rest of the weekend in one piece. 

Pacey swore under his breath before making an illegal u turn and pulling on to the right road. "I'm dropping you off at the B and B right?" 

"Um yea. Where are you going to stay?" He had only been in town recently to visit Joey's family with her.   
Pacey shrugged his shoulders, "Doug's I think. I haven't bummed a couch there in a while." 

Joey nodded, she was paying attention to the road up ahead. There were skid marks on the asphalt and flowers around the base of the tree Mitch had hit. It was scarred and crooked now and looked as if it might fall over. "Oh my God," she said quietly to her self. 

"Are you going to be okay?" Pacey asked when he pulled up to Joey's childhood home. 

"I don't know," she replied, saying the first thing that came to mind. 

Pacey frowned, the worry line in his forehead was apparent, "I'll give you a call if I don't end up staying at Doug's." 

"Okay," Joey got out of the car and pulled her bag from the backseat. 

"Alright then," he always said that when he didn't know what else to say. "See ya." 

"Pacey," Joey looked towards the house praying that Bessie would stay inside and keep the awkward moments for the weekend to a minimum. "You know you can always stay here if you need to." 

"Yea I know," he put the car in to drive. "I'll call you." 

He drove off and Joey walked inside, her suitcase feeling heavier than it actually was. 

"Joey? Is that you?" Bessie called from the kitchen. "I though you were going to call us from the station? How did you get here?" 

"I got a ride with Pacey," she answered. 

Bessie wiped her hands on a dishtowel before giving her sister a hug, "With Pacey? What's that about?" 

"I don't know. Look I'm really tired. I just want to lay down for a bit." 

"You don't want something to eat first?" Bessie asked sounding concerned 

Joey shook her head, "I'll have something later." She walked down the hall to her room and flopped on her bed. It's going to be a long weekend. 

~ 

It was almost ten thirty when she woke up and crept in to the kitchen. In the fridge there was a plate of chicken and rice, she heated it up and sat down at the table. 

"Nice nap?" Bessie asked coming in to the kitchen. 

"Were you waiting up for me?" Joey teased. "I am an adult now you know?" 

"Try as hard as you like Joey. But you can't dodge my questions forever." Bessie sat down at the tble across from her. "What's the latest with you and Pacey?" 

"We're talking again I guess. But it's weird. We're not together, that's what you really want to know. It's a start I guess. 

Bessie nodded knowing that Joey probably wouldn't share much else on the subject. "Have you talked to Dawson?" 

"He made it pretty clear that he didn't want anything to do with me. I'm not even sure if he knows that Gayle called me." 

"If she hadn't told you I would have." Bessie helped her self to a bite of Joey's food, "I'm sure he expects to see you." 

"Ya I guess." 

Bessie got up then, "I'm going to get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning." 

They said goodnight, Joey stayed at the table eating. The phone rang while she was rinsing off her plate, it made her jump. She whirled around and grabbed the phone off the wall before it could ring again. "Hello?" 

"Hey it's me. Is it too late?" Pacey asked on the other line. 

It's never too late. "It's fine." 

"I'm staying at Doug's," he explained. "I just wanted to let you know where I was." 

"Okay thanks." 

"No problem." 

This is cruel and unusual punishment. Do they give the death penalty to liars? "Thanks for the ride today. I forgot to say so when you dropped me off." 

"You're welcome. I'll see you tomorrow I guess." 

She sighed, "Okay." 

"Jo?" She hadn't heard him call her that in a while. "Will you sit with me tomorrow?" 

"Of course. Pacey I've got to go, one of the guests needs the phone," she managed to say with out sounding like she was crying. "Goodnight" She hung up quickly and wiped her face before going back to bed. 

* * *

To be added to the Tricky Fic mailing list and be contacted when I update any of my stories e-mail me at **kr_sta@hotmail.com**. In the meantime check out my website, **http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/trickyfic**. 


	3. Got You Covered

  
~ 

Joey tried to put on a brave face as she walked in to the church where the service for Mitch would be held. But this was the same church she had been to for her mother's funeral. 

She hung her coat in the small cloak room at the back, remembering how she'd hidden there with Dawson when she couldn't bare to sit near her mother's casket any longer. Hoping she could find Pacye and sit down quickly she entered the sanctuary. The stained glass windows looked the same but the faces in the pews weren't. 

"What are you looking for?" Bessie asked as she pulled her sister out of the aisle so that a group of students from the high school could get by. 

"Pacey asked to sit with me." 

Bessie raised and eyebrow, it was becoming an annoying habit with her lately, "Bodie and I are going to sit over there with Jen's grandmother. Are you coming? Pacey will find you." 

"I'll just meet you at the car afterwards okay?" Joey replied. Bessie and Bodie left her standing at the back of the church. Where are you Pacey? Don't make me do this by myself. She was cursing all the unfamiliar backs of people's heads when Pacey walked up and tapped her on the shoulder. 

"Sorry I'm late." 

It's one of those annoying things I love about you. "We should sit down." 

He led her to pew near the middle filled with more students. 

Joey sat down quietly and tried to concentrate on the minister's pulpit at the front. A tape player was playing a tune she remembered Mitch always used to hum. 

A door opened on the sidewall, Dawson came out followed by his mom. Gayle was holding on tightly to Lilly and wiping her eyes at the same time. 

"Pacey," Joey started to whisper. "I forgot—" 

Pacey smiled and pulled three Kleenexes out of his pocket. "I've got you covered." 

Joey mouthed 'thank you' and smoothed the white cotton out on her skirt. She wasn't crying yet but it wouldn't be long. 

The service started, the minister spoke about heaven and life and death. Gayle could be heard crying softly in the front row. Joey looked in her direction and noticed that by then Dawson was holding Lilly. 

One of Mitch's bothers stood up to give the eulogy. Joey remembered the week she'd gone with the Leery's to stay at his cottage, she was eight at the time. Mitch was having trouble lighting the barbecue and singed one of his eyebrows. 

Let the waterworks begin, she thought as her eyes welled up and the first tear fell down her cheek. As Mitch's brother told stories about his lifetime she sniffled and wiped at her eyes. Only two tissues left. 

"You okay?" Pacey asked softly. She shook her head. He took her left hand and stroked it with his thumb like he used to… before. 

What are you trying to do? They're going to kick me out for disturbing the peace! Joey's tears came a little more steadily. She balled up the second tissue and put it in her purse. 

Determined to make the third one last longer she bit her lip and started to breath slowly. 

"Almost done," Pacey whispers as he squeezed her hand. 

When it was over Joey tucked the last Kleenex, still fresh in to her purse and followed Pacey outside. She was holding on to him for dear life. Outside she caught Bessie's eye and waved her away. 

~ 

As they pulled up to the Leery house for the small reception there were already a lot of cars parked there. Joey walked ahead of Pacey to the front porch, she wasn't exactly pleased to be there. She knew she ought to be. Mom always said, 'Sometimes there are things you just have to do, no matter how hard it might be.' Here we go. 

Inside there were a lot of relatives and people from town milling around. "Where's the best place to hide?" Joey said under her breath. When in doubt, eat. They migrated towards the kitchen. 

Unfortunately so had Dawson he was sitting on a stool at the counter, trying to ignore one of his aunts as she uncovered plates of food. 

"What are you doing here?" Dawson asked coldly. 

"Same as everyone else," Pacey answered. 

Dawson scowled at Pacey. "Joey I think you should leave." 

Joey frowned and bit her bottom lip, "If that's what you want." 

"It is." 

Pacey stood back and watched the interaction, having no idea what was going on. "I'm really sorry Dawson." She turned towards the door and stopped, "For everything." 

~ 

"I'm not ready to go home yet," Joey said after they rushed back outside to Pacey's car. 

"Alright then," Pacey drove downtown to a small café on the water that neither of them had been to before. "Let's get something to eat. And you can tell me about whatever happened between you and Dawson back there." 

Her face dropped but she followed him inside like a puppy anyway. Joey faked interest in the menu to stall but after the drinks showed up Pacey wasn't going to wait any longer. 

Pacey cleared his throat and looked at her expectantly. Joey sipped her iced tea trying to get a few more seconds. "When I said I hadn't talked to Dawson in a while, I meant it. After he showed up at my room and all that, he was mad at me. He kept calling me and yelling at me." She paused, "He was being totally immature about it. I wanted to wring his neck." 

"Yea he has that effect on people." 

"Anyway, I was absolutely miserable," Joey started playing with the salt shaker so she wouldn't have to look at Pacey. "The last thing I wanted was to deal with his bullshit. So when he said it was either you or him—" 

Pacey interrupted her, "Wait. He wanted you to choose?" 

She nodded her head, "I told him he was being ridiculous but he said I had to pick one of you." 

"What did you say?" Pacey asked quietly as if it wasn't plain to see. 

"Obviously I didn't pick him. He got all bitchy again." She added, "So I told him to go fuck himself. He made this weird little noise and hung up on me. I haven't talked to him since, well until today." 

~ 

Joey closed the front door behind her. She'd spent the rest of the afternoon with Pacey at the café talking. After she explained the whole Dawson thing to him they brought each other up to speed on everything that happened in the month that they hadn't talked. 

Of course when Bessie swooped in like she always did Joey snapped back to reality pretty fast. 

"Are you back together then or what?" Bessie asked immediately. 

Joey's smile broke. "I don't know." 

* * *

To be added to the Tricky Fic mailing list and be contacted when I update any of my stories e-mail me at **kr_sta@hotmail.com**. In the meantime check out my website, **http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/trickyfic**. 


	4. Conspiracy Theory

~   


Joey still hadn't gotten a good night's sleep. She was tossing and turning all night wondering what to do about Pacey. The last thing she wanted to do was get in a car with him and drive home to Boston. But here she was sitting in the kitchen at the B and B with her bag on the floor beside her. Pacey would be there any minute to pick her up. 

Bessie put a canvas grocery bag full of food on the table. "Bess I can't possibly eat anything right now," Joey said miserably. "I lost five pounds in the last week." 

"Josephine! You need to work things out with Pacey and take better care of yourself. He would smack you upside the head if he knew you weren't eating properly." Joey blushed and didn't mention the fact that at the café the day before Pacey had scolded her for not eating enough of her lunch. "Bodie put some stuff in here for Pacey too. But now I think you ought to just save it all for yourself." 

Joey waved her sister away, "I'll eat Bessie. God, I'll take a Polaroid of the scale when I weight myself and mail it to you if it will make you happy." 

"I see your hunger is making you irritable." 

"You're what's making me irritable," Joey shot back. "I'm not going to see you for a while, please at least try to be nice." 

They heard Pacey's car on the gravel driveway. "Joey Alex is in the living room, you better say goodbye. He'll have a fit if you forget." Joey knew Bessie was trying to get rid of her but she left the room anyway. 

"Hey Bessie how's it going?" Pacey said as he let himself in. 

"It's going." Bessie lowered her voice, "Thanks for taking care of her Pacey." 

He looked at his feet, "I haven't been doing such a good job of that lately." 

"I just want you both to be happy. You two are great together and I'll be damned if you let a fuck up like Dawson come between you. My mom always liked you better you know? I guess it runs in the family." 

Pacey smiled at her, "Yea you Potter women can't get enough of me." Joey came back in the room then. "Are you ready to go Joey?" 

"Yea I guess," she said as she grabbed her bags off the floor. She passed Pacey the bag of food, "You can handle this right?" 

He looked inside, "You're trusting me with a bag full of Bodie's cooking?" 

"Good point. On second thought you can take this," she gave him her bag and took the food from him. Joey gave Bessie a hug and promised to call her later on that week. "Let's go." 

~ 

They had been driving in silence for an hour and Joey was trying not to fall asleep when all of a sudden Pacey swerved in to the next lane and gave the finger to some old guy in a station wagon. She jerked to attention and looked around. "Sorry, I think that guy's had his license since Lincoln was in office." He added in a more calm tone, "You can go back to sleep now." 

"I wasn't sleeping!" 

"Could have fooled me." He looked over at her, "You know the traffic is terrible if you want to nod off that's okay with me. You look like you could use it." 

Joey scowled, "Stop worrying about me." 

"Someone has to." 

"I think Bessie does enough for the both of you." 

Pacey smirked at her, "Well in Capeside it's Bessie's job. But now we're in my jurisdiction." 

"Right," Joey said dryly. "So tell me. What sort of conspiracy were you and my sister forming back at the house?" 

"Bessie and I don't have any conspiracies against you Jo." 

_Stop calling me that, if you don't mean it. _"Okay then how was Bessie meddling in our relationship? Sorry did I say relationship? I meant situation." She noticed Pacey wince and smiled since she got the reaction she wanted. 

"Why are you acting like this?" 

"Because I'm sick and tired of not talking about it! It's not a relationship Pacey, we're barely friends anymore. It's like you've given up on me." 

Pacey's jaw dropped, "I can't believe that's what you think." 

"What am I supposed to think?" she asked as she slumped back in to her seat. "You won't talk to me anymore. You act like I don't exist." 

"Then what was this whole weekend about?" he asked her loudly. 

She put her hand on her forehead and sighed, "How the hell should I know? I mean you're avoiding me then Mitch is gone and it's like you're my best friend again. What's going to happen when we get back to Boston? Because you keep changing your mind and I just can't deal with it." Pacey stomped on the gas pedal and passed a shiny red sports car. "Look if we're going to have this conversation we should at least get off the road." 

"I'm not stopping this car until we get home!" Pacey replied. He swerved around the cars. Joey ignored him and turned on the radio. They didn't say anything to each other the rest of the way home. 

~ 

When they got back to the campus Joey grabbed her bags and stormed off in the direction of her dorm room. _I can't deal with anymore of his crap today._

Back in her room she unpacked her bag quickly and changed in to a pair of pajama pants and a hooded sweatshirt. 

_Shit! I left the food in the car_, Joey thought when her stomach started growling. She was about to check the little mini fridge in her room when there was a knock at the door. 

"Missing something?" Pacey asked when she opened the door, he was holding the canvas bag from Bessie out to her. Joey reached for it but he pulled it back, "The magic words?" 

She cocked her head sideways, "Fuck off." 

"That's not what I had in mind," he said but he handed the bag to her anyway. "Listen can I come in and talk for a bit." 

Joey pulled the door back further so he could come inside. "Do you want something to eat?" she asked as she emptied the bag out on her desk. 

"Yea sure." Pacey watched as Joey made two plates of food and heated them up in her microwave. It was kind of a familiar sight. He was beginning to feel a little too comfortable in her room and considered leaving. "Joey about before, I didn't want things to go like that." 

Joey handed him a plate and sat down on her bed to eat, "How did you want them to go?" 

"I just thought that when we actually talked about what's going on between us, it wouldn't be so hostile." He pushed the food around on his plate for a few seconds, "What happened to us Jo?" 

* * *

  
If you would like to be contacted when I update any of my stories e-mail me, **kr_sta@hotmail.com** or go to my website, **http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/trickyfic**. PLEASE REVIEW. 


	5. Forgive And Forget

5 - Forgive And Forget   
  


"Dawson happened to us," she said quietly. "He always happened to us. You let him get the better of you and then I never had a chance to explain." 

He frowned, "Listen I know I wasn't very approachable but can you at least admit that I was entitled to be upset? I mean you didn't tell Dawson, of all people, that we're in a serious relationship." 

"I understand why it upset you but you wouldn't let me explain. You were being completely unreasonable." 

"I was being unreasonable?!" he cried. "I'm not going to roll over and play dead when the woman I'm in love with neglects to tell our oldest friend that we're together and having sex on a regular basis." 

It's not that regular anymore. "Listen I should have told him about us. I know that I fucked up, I never denied that. The thing is arguing about it isn't going to change what I did, or how it made you feel. We just have to get past it somehow." 

"Forgive and forget?" Pacey tilted his head to the side, "Not everything is as simple as that." 

"Then what do you suggest?" 

"I can't jump right back in to it and pretend none of this never happened." 

She shook her head, "I'm not asking you to do that. Obviously this has had an effect on both of us and we can't just deny it. But is what I did so terrible? Is it completely unforgivable?" 

"Are we ever going to see eye to eye on this?" Pacey asked as he put his head in his hands. 

"I'm running out of ways to apologize. I know I screwed up Pacey and I've dealt with it." She added rather sheepishly, "I just want to be with you again." 

He looked up at her, "I'm not ready yet." They looked at each other for a minute. "I think I should go. Thanks for the food. I'll get a hold of you later." 

Joey watched as he let himself out. She stared at her messy room and debated on whether to clean it or not, seeing as she had nothing better to do. But instead she checked her voicemail. 

"Listen here Josephine Potter just because you're not living with me this year you can't pretend you don't know me. Drag that skinny ass of yours out of bed and come do something fun for a change. Call me woman! Just in case you forgot the sound of my voice, this is Audrey speaking. If I don't hear from you soon I'm calling the police got it?" 

Joey managed a small laugh at Audrey's melodramatic message and called her back right away. 

~ 

"So what's new?" Joey asked. She and Audrey had agreed to meet at a small coffeehouse near the campus the next day after classes. 

Audrey took a sip from her hot chocolate covered in lots of whipped cream, "Oh no. You're not going to act all casual with me like that. We're not here to discuss me. I'm perfectly willing to tell you all about my latest date and how I'm seriously considering lesbianism. But not until you tell me what the hell is going on with you and where the hell you've been." She looked at Joey expectantly, "I'm waiting." 

"Well tell me when we talked last and I'll bring you up to speed." 

"It was far too long ago. I mean I'm seriously reconsidering your best friend status." Joey gave Audrey one of her looks. "Okay, we talked right before you left for the… for Capeside." 

Joey smiled, "You can say 'funeral' you know. It won't get me upset." 

"Would you stop stalling?" Audrey cried, she was growing impatient. 

"Fine. It was really awkward being there. I mean Pacey and I weren't exactly comfortable being around each other. He sat with me for the service and it was really nice. He was there for me and it was great." Joey got serious, "We went to Dawson's house after for the reception and he told us to leave." 

Audrey choked on her drink, "Dawson kicked you out of his dad's wake. What did you guys do?" 

"What were we supposed to do? We left. We went to get something to eat and I had to tell Pacey why Dawson basically despises me now, which was really hard. And we talked and stuff. Then he took me back to the B and B." 

"So you guys are together again then?" 

Joey shook her head, "I told him, how I chose him over Dawson. But it didn't matter. We got in a fight on the way home." 

"You what?" 

"Well I was confused because when we were in Capeside it was almost like we were together again. But I realized we hadn't talked about it or anything. So I brought it up in the car and it just blew up in my face." 

"Oh Joey." 

"When we got back I was so mad. But he showed up at my room and we talked again, calmly this time. I told him how sorry I was and all that, and he just said, 'I'm not ready yet,' and he left." Joey scowled, "He left. How can we resolve this if he won't stay around me long enough to have a decent conversation." 

"Well he is the victim here Joey." 

"The victim?" 

Audrey raised her eyebrows, "Yes, the victim. Earth to Joey? You might not have slept with Dawson or anything but Pacey feels as though he's been cheated on. Put yourself in his shoes. The girl he's madly in love with spent a whole summer hanging out with this guy who was supposedly her soul mate and you never told him about you and Pacey. Regardless of the fact that you didn't think it mattered, Pacey's hurt. It wasn't your intention to hurt him, nevertheless that was the result of your actions." 

"I'm canceling your Cosmo subscription," Joey told her. 

"Don't you dare!" Audrey smiled, "I came to this conclusion on my own. You've gotten over everything that happened, but it effected you way less. Don't look at me like that. I know you were miserable. But Pacey's the one that feels betrayed. He's not going to heal as fast as you do. If you love Pacey then you're going to have to wait until he's ready to forgive you." 

Joey sat back and crossed her arms in defeat. "I don't want to wait anymore," she said sounding more like her young nephew than herself. 

"Oh grow up. You hate that I'm right," Audrey said knowingly. 

"Shut up," Joey through a sugar packet at her friend. 

"Hey! That's a nasty paper cut waiting to happen." 

* * *

  
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	6. Never Really Mattered

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**6 - Never Really Mattered**   


After visiting with Audrey, Joey returned to her dormroom and attempted to do some schoolwork. As stubborn as she was, even Joey had to admit that what Audrey had said was right.   
  
  


_"You might not have slept with Dawson or anything but Pacey feels as though he's been cheated on. Put yourself in his shoes. The girl he's madly in love with spent a whole summer hanging out with this guy who was supposedly her soul mate and you never told him about you and Pacey . . . You've gotten over everything that happened, but it effected you way less . . . Pacey's the one that feels betrayed. He's not going to heal as fast as you do."_

  
  


She signed off the computer much later that evening and tried to fall asleep. The next few days were sort of tense, as soon as she got home after classes or studying in the library she headed straigt for the phone to check her voicemail and then to her computer to see if there was any e-mail. But there was still nothing from Pacey. Joey kept reminding herself that he had promised to call. He would call, she decided, when he's ready.   


  


_"If you love Pacey then you're going to have to wait until he's ready to forgive you."_

  
  


* 

And eventually he did. Leaving a message one Tuesday night, two weeks after they had gotten back from Mitch's funeral. 

"Joey, it's me. Um. Call me when you get this. Or maybe I'll stop by or something. Um, okay. Bye." 

Listening to the message Joey felt the familiar stab in her heart as it played on her voice mail. She hit a button to replay it and listened to it another three times before finally saving it. She debated whether or not to call him back. It was eleven thirty, she had been at an evening study group when he called. Pacey knew her schedule, he called when he knew she wouldn't have been around. 

Before they had broken up, Joey would go straight from study group to Pacey's room. They would watch Jay Leno or David Letterman, depending on who got control of the remote. But it never really mattered since by the time the first guest hit the stage Joey and Pacey were tangled in the sheets. 

This time Joey decided it was too late to call him and turned on the small television set. She settled in to her bed and listened half-heartedly to the top ten list. She was just beginning to knod off when the phone rang. 

"Hello?" 

"Jo?" 

"Hi Pacey." 

"Were you sleeping?" 

"Not yet," she answered quietly. 

"Are you watching Letterman or Leno?" 

She smiled. "Letterman." 

They made small talk for a few minutes about the show and who the guests were that night. 

"You sound tired. I'll let you go," Pacey said after there had been dead air for a few seconds. 

"Okay." Joey swallowed hard, "Pacey? Will you call me tomorrow?" 

"Of course." 

* 

For the next few days Pacey called right around the time the late night talk shows came on and they would watch them and talk over the phone. It didn't matter if Joey had work to do or chapters to read, when the phone rang, she was ready for it. They talked about everything but themselves and what was going on between them. Joey no longer felt anxious about Pacey. She was just glad to be talking to him again. 

It was a Monday night when Pacey finally got up the courage to ask her. "Jo, do you miss me?" 

"Of course I do Pacey." 

He was silent for a while. "I was afraid you were giving up on me." 

"I'd never do that," she admitted. "I just realized what was going on. Well actually Audrey made me see it." 

"Audrey?" 

"I know it sounds silly but what she said made sense." 

Pacey smiled to himself, "What was it that she told you?" 

"She just explained to me that it didn't matter what I had or hadn't done, but how you felt about it was the issue. I wasted so much time feeling sorry for myself and then when I finally just accepted what had happened it left me irritated with you." Joey paused. "It doesn't matter how I feel." 

"Yes it does." 

"Well I guess. But not as much. Pacey I know I hurt you and I'm so sorry for it. I've dealt with all of that. Now all I need is for you to forgive me." He didn't say anything for a while so she went on. "I know it sounds wrong. I can't ask for your forgiveness, it doesn't mean anything unless your actually ready to forgive me." 

He coughed, a habit that Joey knew well. When he was nervous or stalling for time he would clear his throat. "You got all that from Audrey?" 

"Well she planted the seed in my head. I've had a lot of time to think about it." 

"I see." There was another long silence. "Joey. Do you think you could come over tomorrow, when you're done at the library?" 


	7. The End

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* * *

**7 - Never Really Mattered**   


Tuesday night Joey started the walk from the library to the residence building where Pacey's room was. All day she had tried to distract herself and think about other things. But the thought of going to Pacey's room on a Tuesday night brought all sorts of familiar feelings to her. 

Another feeling was nervousness. She had no idea what to expect since Pacey hadn't been very clear about what would happen or what he might have to say. It had occurred to her that he might be ready to get back together with her but she had pushed it to the back of her mind. One of the things Joey had learned in life was that when you kept your expectations low it was harder to be dissapointed when things didn't work out. She was never quite sure though if it was a good or bad quality of hers. 

Once she finally reached Pacey's room she hesitated a minute before knocking. Pacey opened the door right away and moved so she could walk in. Joey stood awkwardly in the middle of his room, waiting for him to say something. 

"Do you want to watch some TV?" Pacey asked, gesturing towards the television set on top of his dresser. 

"Pacey did you invite me over just to watch television?" she asked, not moving. 

"Well no, not really." He sat down on the edge of his bed and ran his fingers through his hair, "I just wanted to see you. I wanted to talk to you." 

She cautiously sat on the chair at his desk, leaving a few feet between the two of them. "Okay," she replied quietly. After all the time that had passed, it seemed like it would be Pacey that would do most of the talking, she had already said enough. He knew how she felt. 

"It just seems like this has gone on for so long, I sort of started believing that we wouldn't get back together." He sighed frustratedly. "I was upset, and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time, us taking a break I mean. But then it kept going and going because I was being selfish. " Pacey paused. "You know, I was really okay with it after the funeral. Because I saw how you felt about Dawson, or actually how you didn't feel about him." 

Joey smiled, "He's got a special kind of hate for me doesn't he?" 

"Don't beat yourself up about it. He's not worth the trouble," Pacey replied her firmly. "I'm angry at myself now, not at you. Ever since the funeral I've wanted you back, but I had no idea how to go about it." He looked intently at Joey, "I don't know what to say to you to make things better. I just want everything to go back to normal, but what if things will never be the same between us? I want it to work out this time. It's not fair that we always have some obstacle to overcome." 

"But if it was easy Pacey, we would take it for granted," Joey said as she walked over and sat beside him. "I still love you. I always will, no matter what happens." She laughed, "God we made it through the last twenty year, I'm pretty sure we can handle anything now." 

"I'm sorry Jo, for wasting all this time." 

She shook her head, "You don't owe me any apologies Pacey. This was all my fault." 

"Well I still want to make it up to you," he said with a familiar look in his eye. 

"Oh believe me you will."   
  
  


THE END 

  



End file.
